I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day. Mine was surprisingly amazing, after I dreaded this day for the past month and a half. It started off with a photo shoot with This is Hell. I was honored when Rick asked me a few days ago if I'd take their photograph for the back of their new album. Being as well-known as they are, I was for sure stoked about doing it. The shoot went very well. We got a lot of great shots. Not too much work on my part, for I have been blessed with very good looking friends.

After the shoot, I came home and ate breakfast. Mom and I went to Anthropologie to visit my sister and shop. I ended up getting two sale items for $10 and my mom got four very cute coffee mugs. We then went to King Kullen to grab some items for my dinner party.

My dinner party consisted of five guys and myself...Pete S, Peke K, Dan, Joey and Matt. I cooked whole wheat penne and marinara sauce. It was perfect and quite delicious. We had wine and cheese and this amazing eggplant spread on some Italian bread. Sooooo good! Joey and I introduced everyone to Chat Roulette and well, that speaks for itself. We smoked a blunt and ate some apple pie with ice cream. It was so yummy and fun and I want to spend more time with them. We used to hang out almost every day in high school, and it makes me so happy to know that they're still my close friends and have never changed. I'm a happy little clam.

So I am sitting on my couch when I should be sleeping. Even though tomorrow is a snow day and school is canceled, I have less than five hours of sleep under my belt and I constantly catch my head nodding. I'm watching Watch What Happens Live on Bravo and I really hate Andy Cohen. Just sayin'...

So I'm really looking into moving to Portland, Oregon. I have fabulous friends there and I think drastic change will do me good. Maybe I'll even fall in love for the first time in my life. Let's face it, New York hasn't really been treating me well. I'm just super sick of living in a place where I just always feel like a failure. School sucks, can't get a job, can't get a man to commit, and those who want to commit are only looking to commit their dicks to vaginas. So pathetic. I'm really getting sick of this shit, and I'm really tired of meeting guys who get bored with people their age and need to find someone who's fresh out of high school.

So since tomorrow is a snow day, I'm mad because I really want to drop off Jon's shit so that way I don't have that itty bitty hope that maybe he'll want to see me. I know he's a selfish person and can't just be honest with me and I'm tired of that. If he doesn't want to be with me in that way, he should at least grow up and be my friend. The "I work too much" excuses aren't cutting it when your high schooler buddies are posting photos of you all over Facebook at parties and shit. Ah FB how you cause so much drama. I don't need this shit. Maybe I'll just delete him.

So on a slightly higher note, yet really the straw that broke the camel's back and is the cherry on top to the reasoning of me moving, here is a story that I am copy and pasting from my Tumblr...

So, the creepiest thing happened to me; this guy I used to be friends with (who has since moved to Queens and I don’t talk/see him very often anymore) messages me to hire me for a photo shoot. At first I thought nothing of it, I told him my rates and all that jazz. We talk a little about it, and then he asks me if I have ever modeled. I said no except for school photo projects. He then asks me if I want to model for a shoot that involves dressing up as superheros. I agreed, only because it seemed harmless because he works for a comic book company and has been working on various ideas and projects. So, today he calls me and we’re discussing these shoots when suddenly he’s seems a little out of breath. It sounded like he was hiking, but he was at home. So I dismiss it at first, and we start discussing the costumes. He asks me what I’d be opposed to wearing, and I told him nothing revealing. He then tells me that this shoot I’d be modeling for was for his personal use only. So I’m a little taken aback by it and told him that made me a little uncomfortable. Then he asks me what I thought about forgetting the shoot and just dressing up and before I could answer he then asks if the price was high enough if I would consider “showing a little more”. I didn’t even know how to react to that. I quickly ended that conversation and am convinced that the shortness of breath was him jerking off while on the phone with me.

School has begun, once again. I am going to be focusing on school and school only this semester and not let boys (or at least one certain boy) distract me. We are talking again, but I'm not expecting everything to be the way it was. I think I'm actually okay with that now.

For the time I wasn't talking to him, I had a constant knot in my stomach and constantly wondering

what he was doing, who he was with, etc. Now I feel at ease and realized that I want him in my life in some way because losing him would be awful. We have so much in common and I like having him as a companion.

Yesterday I did a photo shoot with Brian for his solo record. We set up my backdrop and lights in my kitchen (real ghetto style). We got a bunch of good pictures, but one that really made us both giddy. It kind of makes me think of a John Mayer photo (ie. the cover shot for Battle Studies).

I really hate

this unsettling feeling

in my stomach.

I want to know what comes next.

So I haven't really given a full update in a while. Tonight seems to be the night to do that, even though I should be getting to bed soon. For Erin and I are embarking in a journey tomorrow to find some thrift furniture store somewhere out east. I'm down to my last few pennies, which is pressuring me to finding a job relatively soon. At least I'm trying.

Being unemployed has influenced me to start writing again. I'm refreshing my knowledge on music theory so I can start writing music. I've played the violin since 3rd grade, but only learned to read music about three years ago. Sad, yes, but at least it happened. I really want to

write and play on the piano. I have always been in love with the sweet sound of jazz and soul and I would kill to be playing that right now. I'd also love to be packing for tour right now, but I'm stuck another semester at Old Westbury. Looks like I'll be hitting the road come summer now, which sucks. Long Island is a really boring place, if you ask me.

John Coltrane