I

Am

So

Happy

!!!

Yesterday my family and I went to Hofstra to see Parachute Twins play their first show. They did a magnificent job, and I was able to capture a few good shots. The sound tech didn't know what he was doing, and the band that played before them overdid it with the fog machine. I also hate how my computer completely washes out the richness of a photograph. I can't wait to get an iMac.

Earlier in the day I stopped by Volkswagen since my sister recently got a job there and can get a pretty sick discount on cars. I decided to take a look at the Beetle, because according to Nick, it "defines" me. Yeah, so I pretty much fell in love with it and I'm almost certain I will buy it. They have a final edition one coming in next week, so I'm going back to test drive it. I'll miss my Saturn though...Good ol' Oda Mae (yes, I named her after Whoopie Goldberg's character in Ghost).

I woke up today and laid in bed and just watched Power Rangers (old school) for an hour. Ate some waffles, and now I'm ready to start my day. I start my new job Monday, so I'm soaking up the freedom while I still can. Not sure why, though; I get weekends off anyway.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day. Mine was surprisingly amazing, after I dreaded this day for the past month and a half. It started off with a photo shoot with This is Hell. I was honored when Rick asked me a few days ago if I'd take their photograph for the back of their new album. Being as well-known as they are, I was for sure stoked about doing it. The shoot went very well. We got a lot of great shots. Not too much work on my part, for I have been blessed with very good looking friends.

After the shoot, I came home and ate breakfast. Mom and I went to Anthropologie to visit my sister and shop. I ended up getting two sale items for $10 and my mom got four very cute coffee mugs. We then went to King Kullen to grab some items for my dinner party.

My dinner party consisted of five guys and myself...Pete S, Peke K, Dan, Joey and Matt. I cooked whole wheat penne and marinara sauce. It was perfect and quite delicious. We had wine and cheese and this amazing eggplant spread on some Italian bread. Sooooo good! Joey and I introduced everyone to Chat Roulette and well, that speaks for itself. We smoked a blunt and ate some apple pie with ice cream. It was so yummy and fun and I want to spend more time with them. We used to hang out almost every day in high school, and it makes me so happy to know that they're still my close friends and have never changed. I'm a happy little clam.

So I am sitting on my couch when I should be sleeping. Even though tomorrow is a snow day and school is canceled, I have less than five hours of sleep under my belt and I constantly catch my head nodding. I'm watching Watch What Happens Live on Bravo and I really hate Andy Cohen. Just sayin'...

So I'm really looking into moving to Portland, Oregon. I have fabulous friends there and I think drastic change will do me good. Maybe I'll even fall in love for the first time in my life. Let's face it, New York hasn't really been treating me well. I'm just super sick of living in a place where I just always feel like a failure. School sucks, can't get a job, can't get a man to commit, and those who want to commit are only looking to commit their dicks to vaginas. So pathetic. I'm really getting sick of this shit, and I'm really tired of meeting guys who get bored with people their age and need to find someone who's fresh out of high school.

So since tomorrow is a snow day, I'm mad because I really want to drop off Jon's shit so that way I don't have that itty bitty hope that maybe he'll want to see me. I know he's a selfish person and can't just be honest with me and I'm tired of that. If he doesn't want to be with me in that way, he should at least grow up and be my friend. The "I work too much" excuses aren't cutting it when your high schooler buddies are posting photos of you all over Facebook at parties and shit. Ah FB how you cause so much drama. I don't need this shit. Maybe I'll just delete him.

So on a slightly higher note, yet really the straw that broke the camel's back and is the cherry on top to the reasoning of me moving, here is a story that I am copy and pasting from my Tumblr...

So, the creepiest thing happened to me; this guy I used to be friends with (who has since moved to Queens and I don’t talk/see him very often anymore) messages me to hire me for a photo shoot. At first I thought nothing of it, I told him my rates and all that jazz. We talk a little about it, and then he asks me if I have ever modeled. I said no except for school photo projects. He then asks me if I want to model for a shoot that involves dressing up as superheros. I agreed, only because it seemed harmless because he works for a comic book company and has been working on various ideas and projects. So, today he calls me and we’re discussing these shoots when suddenly he’s seems a little out of breath. It sounded like he was hiking, but he was at home. So I dismiss it at first, and we start discussing the costumes. He asks me what I’d be opposed to wearing, and I told him nothing revealing. He then tells me that this shoot I’d be modeling for was for his personal use only. So I’m a little taken aback by it and told him that made me a little uncomfortable. Then he asks me what I thought about forgetting the shoot and just dressing up and before I could answer he then asks if the price was high enough if I would consider “showing a little more”. I didn’t even know how to react to that. I quickly ended that conversation and am convinced that the shortness of breath was him jerking off while on the phone with me.

School has begun, once again. I am going to be focusing on school and school only this semester and not let boys (or at least one certain boy) distract me. We are talking again, but I'm not expecting everything to be the way it was. I think I'm actually okay with that now.

For the time I wasn't talking to him, I had a constant knot in my stomach and constantly wondering

what he was doing, who he was with, etc. Now I feel at ease and realized that I want him in my life in some way because losing him would be awful. We have so much in common and I like having him as a companion.

Yesterday I did a photo shoot with Brian for his solo record. We set up my backdrop and lights in my kitchen (real ghetto style). We got a bunch of good pictures, but one that really made us both giddy. It kind of makes me think of a John Mayer photo (ie. the cover shot for Battle Studies).

I really hate

this unsettling feeling

in my stomach.

I want to know what comes next.

So I haven't really given a full update in a while. Tonight seems to be the night to do that, even though I should be getting to bed soon. For Erin and I are embarking in a journey tomorrow to find some thrift furniture store somewhere out east. I'm down to my last few pennies, which is pressuring me to finding a job relatively soon. At least I'm trying.

Being unemployed has influenced me to start writing again. I'm refreshing my knowledge on music theory so I can start writing music. I've played the violin since 3rd grade, but only learned to read music about three years ago. Sad, yes, but at least it happened. I really want to

write and play on the piano. I have always been in love with the sweet sound of jazz and soul and I would kill to be playing that right now. I'd also love to be packing for tour right now, but I'm stuck another semester at Old Westbury. Looks like I'll be hitting the road come summer now, which sucks. Long Island is a really boring place, if you ask me.

John Coltrane

SPECTATORS
Broadway Bar
December 17, 2009

Kinda legit photo, except when I edit on my sister's Macbook and then transfer it to my trusty PC. The quality is totally butchered!

Happy December! It's officially the best time of the year. Sweet jazz music in the city, hot chocolate by the fire, Christmas tree decorating...And of course: Funny Christmas hats! I am overly excited to start buying gifts and wrapping them and putting them underneath the tree. It is definitely my favorite time of the year. I decorated my tree last night with Jon. I made him wear a funny Christmas hat, too.

I never really enjoy receiving gifts for Christmas. I love giving gifts to my family and friends the most. I have a fond memory of Christmas, and that is waking up to a fresh coat of snow on the ground outside. It brings me back to my childhood memories. That, and gingerbread houses. I am going to master that this year!

I am currently on the phone with Rich trying to explain what a Chelsea Grin is. Speaking of Chelsea Grin, they were in town last night, which excited me very much. I left class about a half hour early and headed over to Rockville Centre to only hang out in the van for most of the night. The show was long...For some reason, Long Islanders enjoy putting five locals on the bill, followed by the tour package.After the show, we headed back to my house to drop off the van and then went for some well deserved Taco Bell. Finally we called it a night and the boys showered and we passed out. Somehow I made it to class this morning, but I really wish I could have spent a few more hours with them.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet for now. Perhaps I'll take a nap and re-update later.

My new job has been kicking my ass. I went from working about seven hours total a week at my old job, to working 10+ hour days at the new job. I can't keep up, and now I go to bed as early as my grandparents. I really hope my paychecks are worth it.

Jonathan and I went to see Paranormal Activity tonight. Although it was very creepy, it was kind of a let down. I also managed to spend $40 at Sephora on two items. Tomorrow I plan on going to the mall after class to buy a dress at H&M that I should had just bought yesterday when I was there.

I am also in need to write a paper that I have put off until last minute, once again. School sucks...I'm so over it!

Xo,
Bean.

Tour was absolutely amazing. I had such a great time, even though we had a few minor setbacks here and there. First, Atlantic City was a good time, even though I didn't really win anything. Last Monday I met up with the boys in Egg Harbor Township, NJ. The show ended up being shut down, so Joey, Tyler, Drew and I went to Taco Bell while the rest went to TGI Friday's for Jess' birthday. Fellow tour mates, Chelsea Grin happened to be at the same Taco Bell, so it was a blast to meet them. We stayed at Midge's in Delaware that night.

Tuesday was Mt. Airy, Maryland. 20 miles from the venue, the belt breaks on I-70. We pull over and call AAA and a mechanic. The mechanic is super stoked that we were a touring band and insists staying open later to help us, (turns out, he's also a musician and showed Rob and Drew his music). So, we detach the trailer and me, Pete, Bill, Lou, Joey, and Tyler wait while Rob and Drew go to the mechanic. We decide to call the other bands to see if they would be willing to detach their trailer and come get ours. American Me couldn't because it turns out that Aaron had the swine flu! So he was sleeping in the van, and that was understandable. We call Chelsea Grin but they weren't even at the venue yet. We then call Attila who manage to jerk us around for five hours. Finally, one of the guys in Chelsea get in touch with us to tell us that Attila's manager, Alex, told everyone that we had everything under control and not to come get us. His plan was to have us not show and Attila would end up getting more money for headlining. So, I quickly call Rob and tell him to grab a cab and head to the show, so that way their manager would feel threatened. He did, after Drew ripped him a new asshole. Finally, Chelsea Grin gets to the venue, plays their set and then willingly comes to save us. We made it to the show with minutes to spare and got the money we earned. After the show, we all gathered in Chelsea Grin's van (I managed to roll over a spilled bottle of soda, soaking my pants). We grabbed some dinner and got to a hotel close to the garage.

Wednesday we were thrown out of the hotel room because the manager thought we had all stayed in one room, which wasn't true. Chelsea slept in their van in the parking lot, but managed to get yelled at anyways. We quickly showered and head to the garage which was conveniently placed next to a shopping center with a grocery store and a Subway. We all ate lunch together and hung around until the van was done. Then we headed off to Fredricksburg, Virginia. The show went really well. However, it was in some sort of church community center so the local bands were praising God the entire time.

Thursday we played Nitro, West Virginia. It was a shitty venue in a shitty town. The crowd was great and I had a fun time hanging out with the Chelsea boys. After the show we drove over night to Virginia Beach. We woke up and were obviously super early to load in, so we explored the mall and had some drama due to record labels and pushing back CD releases, etc. So after all was said and done, the show went really well. We sold tons of merch and headed to a party close to the beach. AK and I drank some Jungle Juice and proceeded to get wasted. Him and I, plus Matt and Dan took a stroll down to the beach. Matt and Dan went in the water, but AK and I aren't too fond of the ocean, so we drew in the sand and then headed back to drink some more. In the process of walking back to the house, Joey was on the roof and saw AK and I walking together. From that moment he started a nice little rumor that AK and I had a hook up on the beach. This makes me laugh because he's only 18, so I come off as a cougar. The night continued with heavy drinking and me passing out on top of Tyler in the van and the Chelsea boys throwing up outside their van.

Friday we drove to Drew's Meema's house in Pittsboro, North Carolina. She made us breakfast and let us shower. We then drove, for what seemed like hours due to traffic, to Raleigh. Josh put me in a bad mood for a bit, so on top of the massive crowd and the bouncer pissing me off about where we set up the merch table, I through a fit. Eventually, some nice kid bought me a beer and that lead to many more and my rendition of Axl Rose's signature dance move and the rumor of AK and I to spread even further. This was my last day on tour, so I was on the verge of tears when I had to say goodbye to everyone. I miss everyone so much.

Yesterday Josh picked up from Meema's house. We got food, and then he dropped me off at Winnie's. Winnie, Chris, and I hung out all night.

Today I came home. I'm not looking forward to going back to school and work. I may or may not have some exciting news soon. I'm hoping my life becomes more exciting. My new job is nice, but I feel so out of place. This week put things in perspective for me. I realized what I love, and I'm wondering why I ever dropped out of music school...

Tuesday I started my new job as a receptionist at a salon (gotta get myself through college, somehow!) Today I worked a 10 hour shift. It was not as bad as I expected it to be, though. As soon as I got home I was invited to come out bowling. Pete came over and him and my parents ordered food. Then Pete and I played an intense game of Rock Band II (I got through 76% of Iron Maiden on expert bass). Then, with our forearms in pain, we met up with Lauren, Nick, Kev, Zizzo, Hodge, Chris, and Natalie at the Garden City bowling alley. We divided ourselves into two teams (Chris and Natalie played as one person): The Hot Dogs and the Gutter Rats. I was a Hot Dog, and we lost twice because Lauren is a really bad bowler. I didn't do so bad for once! We played two games and went out separate ways. Tomorrow Pete, Diana, Sean, and myself are going to see West Side Story on Broadway! I'm beyond excited. After that we will spend the night at Broadway Bar for some fun times. Sunday I am probably going to go to Atlantic City with the folks and meet up with Dr. Acula on Monday. Hopefully Josh comes through with the ride back to NY, otherwise I'm pretty much screwed. Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens.

Pretty gnarly quality, but basically proof that Lauren should never become a profession bowler.

Yes! My hair is finally getting longer! I mean, I did get a trim yesterday, but I think that helped a little! Now I just need a little black hair dye and I'm good to go. I wish I could be a blonde, but I don't think that will be happening anytime soon...

My sister bought me a new Polaroid camera for my birthday. It's a lovely limited edition one from Urban Outfitters. Too bad the film costs an arm and a leg and is scarce these days. I want to take as many as possible before the film disappears. I've contemplated taking it on the road with me, but it's a little too big to carry around with me. I think I'll just stick to my point & shoot digital camera.

I've been so broke. I really can't wait to start my new job so I can have some money! I've reduced my price for photography to $50 until I leave for the open road. So far Isaac responded for a photo shoot. Hopefully I can get at least one more before September 27th. I've been so broke that I can't even afford much food. I have been eating left over spaghetti that I polished off earlier tonight. It's rather sad.

So, my mom told me the other day that NCC offers jobs people with a BA in psychology (or any major, really) if they are continuing onto their Masters. This is insane! I'm hoping she heard right, because if so then I will apply and apply until I can be called Professor Bean!

I need to start cooking more often. I get really lazy and end up eating whatever is laying around the house. I wish I had a vegan or vegetarian roommate that would enjoy cooking and baking with me. I think this week I will try out this recipe:

Lemon pasta with pine nuts
About 6 to 8 servings

1 pound angel hair pasta, whole wheat or regular
1/3 cup plus 1 Tablespoon extra virgin olive oil, divided
1/2 cup pine nuts (pignolis), lightly toasted
3 large cloves garlic, minced or pressed
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
2 Tablespoons lemon zest (yellow part only), grated or minced
1 cup flat-leaf (Italian) parsley, chopped
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Cook the pasta according to directions to al dente tenderness. Drain well, reserving 1/2 cup of the cooking water, and return to the pot you cooked it in; stir in the 1 Tablespoon oil and the cooking water, stir, cover and set aside. If the pine nuts are not toasted, spread them on a baking sheet in a preheated 350 deg F toaster oven or oven for about five minutes -- the aroma should tell you when they're done. Remove, crush lightly with a sturdy fork or the back of a wooden spoon, then place in a mixing bowl. (If the nuts are already toasted, just crush and place in the bowl.) Heat the 1/3 cup oil in a large, heavy skillet over medium-high heat. Add the garlic and sauté, stirring constantly, for one or two minutes, just until softened and aromatic (do not allow it to burn). Mix in the lemon juice, zest, and parsley; season to taste. Let rest for about five or ten minutes to marry the flavours, then add the mixture to the pasta and toss lightly with wooden spoon and fork. Serve immediately in soup plates or pasta bowls.

I have always been fond of this photograph of Joanna and I. It was taken in August at Natasha and Punit's wedding. Whenever Joanna and I take a photograph together, one of us ends up shouting "DELETE THAT NOW!" But this photograph makes me want to print multiple copies and frame them throughout my house...As lame as that may sound.

Tonight my plans fell through, of course. After work I was supposed to go out to Ronkonkoma to meet up with Bill...But he went to Lou's. I was then invited to Lou's, but by the time I had gotten in touch with them it was already 11:30pm and they were heading back to Bill's. So my other option was to go to Broadway for some Karaoke and to see my friends. Instead, I opted for a night of boredom. I actually don't mind, since I'm low on cash and need to save for my trip. Plus I had a very hectic week and need a good nights rest.

Tomorrow (well, really today) it's back into the library to finish my research paper. My professor gave us an extension, which was a huge relief. After class, Pete and I are going to watch Ghost in honor of Patrick Swayze. RIP.

This is a photograph I took of Dr. Acula back in March. It's my favorite of the group shots. The individual shots, however, came out amazing, and I'll be sure to post them eventually.